We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
