i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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