2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Can i not drive my cunt home
just come out here and I will go home with you...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize