why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
