What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
