R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
