I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
