every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
