i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
