She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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