"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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