Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
