I wish I could punch you in the face.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize