If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I have fence marks all over my body
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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