the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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