butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
