she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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