it wasn't lemon gatorade
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
