Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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