My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize