I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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