I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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