i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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