Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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