So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
