when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
