Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I AM VODKA MAN
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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