I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
