I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
