I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
