the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
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I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
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Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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