there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
