he shaved USA in his pubs
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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