I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
