Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
