So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
