I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
