I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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