By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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