Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
