he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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