Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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