Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
