honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
