Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
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wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
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I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize