I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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