ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize
