While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
When did angry sex become our thing?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
