this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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