The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
