Welp...herpes.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
