Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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