so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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