:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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