I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
