If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
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