So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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