I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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