i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
