is your mom at the bar?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
