Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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