Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
