My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
