Your tits are I can't wait for
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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