drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
