Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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