shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
