It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
