My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
